T
errapenes, more commonly known as the box turtle, have an average life span of 50 years, with many reaching the centenarian mark. They are found in the wild, exclusively in North America.
There are six species. In Missouri, the species we see regularly is the Eastern box turtle (Terrapene carolina carolina).
In one of Aesop’s most well-known fables, “The Tortoise and the Hare,” the tortoise wins the race with the rabbit because of its patience and perseverance.
Just how fast—or slow—does the box turtle travel? According to the information I gleaned from the World Wide Web, the average walking speed of a box turtle is 0.17 mph, although they have been clocked traveling as fast as 0.25 mph over a short distance.
Terrapenes usually spend their lives within 250 yards of the nest where they were born.
If a box turtle were to accept the challenge, leaving its home territory and race the United States Postal Service in delivering this newspaper to the St. Louis market, including Chesterfield or Fenton, who do you think would win?
At an approximate distance of 70 miles from Gerald to St. Louis, the turtle would take 412 hours at 0.17 mph, or 17 days, to make that trip.
In Aesop’s classic story, the hare leaves the tortoise far behind. Confident of winning, the rabbit takes a nap midway through the race. He wakes too late, only to realize he has lost the race.
Every Wednesday, by 8:30 a.m., our employees sort and label over 200 newspapers between our three publications and deliver them to the post office in Gerald for delivery to the gateway city and beyond.
From there our newspapers are placed on a truck and delivered to the post office sorting facility in Hazelwood that same day.
According to the USPS, periodicals originating in mid-Missouri should be delivered anywhere in Missouri within three days, which is Saturday.
Before Christmas, the post office would have won the race delivering our newspapers in three to four days. On rare occasions — proving it’s possible — our newspapers have been delivered to the St. Louis market in two days.
Today, like the hare, the USPS takes a nap in Hazelwood. This nap — closer to Rip Van Winkle’s — lasts over a month. What would take the box turtle just 17 days to deliver a newspaper routinely takes the USPS four to six weeks.
I have received complaints from subscribers who have not received their newspaper since January, as well as other periodicals they subscribe to.
Subscribers in St. Louis pay up to $50 for a one-year subscription. I pay the post office approximately $1,000 a week to deliver our publications. While the majority of them are delivered on Wednesday without any problems, that does not satisfy St. Louis subscribers.
Should we be surprised when a government-run organization operates with this lack of efficiency?
Last Wednesday, presidential advisor and Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) head Elon Musk suggested privatizing the U.S. Postal Service.
Musk said, “We should try to privatize everything we possibly can.” His reasoning is simple. “Basically, something’s got to have some chance of going bankrupt, or there’s not a good feedback loop for improvement.”
As a government-controlled monopoly, the post office has no real incentive to deliver periodicals — newspapers and magazines — in a timely manner. Also, there is no penalty for the post office for late delivery. The postal service does not give refunds when newspapers are late or not delivered.
Turning over the post office to a private company would be scary. We know the current system is not working: prices go up and service declines.
The only route for us now is to let the post office and our elected officials hear our complaints. I have called to register my complaints with the St. Louis post office and written complaints online with Senators Eric Schmitt, Josh Hawley, and Congressman Bob Onder.
To help illuminate this problem, I invite you to take the same actions, primarily if your paper is not delivered on time.
You can also register your complaint with your local post office, but be aware that your local post office and carrier are not responsible for the late delivery of any of your mail. In many cases, they’re our neighbors and friends.
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Fun Fact: A female box turtle can lay fertile eggs for up to four years after successfully mating.
